Wow. It’s really been a while since I wrote anything from the true heart. I don’t know what it is but it’s like I’ve been blocked. As if there is this huge wall that I can’t climb or a big hole I can’t jump over between my computer and I. Now a days, it seems like the only time my laptop is turned on is when watching Harry Potter movies or weeds series. Damn.
The funny thing is, I’m always writing- in my head- that is. I sometimes wish that there was an invention of some kind of computer where you can attach cords to the sides of your head and somehow it can read off what you are thinking and automatically types it on the computer screen. (If there is already such kind of invention-shame on me for not knowing; if someone DOES end up making it, make sure you credit me. Thanks.)
Anyway, at this particular moment, I have a huge urge to write. It doesn’t matter about what, but I just want to write-hence-my scattered thoughts you are currently reading about. And I don’t know what I’ll be writing about next so, just bare with me.
Here’s what’s been going on with me lately.
I used to be an intern at UNECA, and worked there for free-no money whatsoever- zip. Consequently, I think I needed something bigger than what I did there so I started writing. I wrote and wrote, whenever and wherever I had free time. Now, I’m working at a private company, paid. I’m grateful. This new job, this is when the walls started to build up in front of me. My computer just rests there, waiting for me to type keys into the word document. Day by day, this wall kept rising higher and higher until I couldn’t really see my computer anymore. I do have more responsibilities at work, but I’d be lying if I said it took up all my time.
I’ve stopped writing my novel, my movie script, even short stories or blogs. I’ve even stopped day dreaming about them! I know, I know; I should really get back to them.
So as we grow up, day by day, we realize something new about ourselves. We might even not admit them to ourselves let alone others.
This is what I’ve realized.
I procrastinate; A LOT. But here’s my logic behind it. For example: I have a project to do. It’s due in 7 days. If I do it today, I’ll probably finish it in one day. But I know that if I finish it now, I believe that I won’t have anything to do for the next 6 days so I won’t do it today. I have better things to do today-like watch How I Met Your Mother for the 10th time or something. Then I’ll get the project done on the 7th day-simple.
Appreciation and motivation somehow is the fuel to my range rover heart. When I do something-and I do it well, I want to be appreciated. If it’s just looked over and ignored, I will not do that thing again. And this almost goes together with “when other people are happy, I’m happy.” I love making people happy. (I don’t know if I’ve ever said it before.) But again, no appreciation, no cool gifts for your birthday next year.
So back to my point, I need to stop my precious procrastination and get back to my dreams. Forget about appreciation and motivation from others and inspire myself instead. I’ll let you know how it goes. lol
This is all the scattered thoughts I have for the day…
Till next time…