Ages 15-18 –“He’s not popular enough.”
Ages 19-20 something –“He’s not cute enough.”
Above –“He isn’t ready for that kind of commitment.”
Something like that; but what do I know, I’m 20 something…
I’ve honestly met a lot of guys whom I dismissed like that. At all those ages. (If you haven’t guessed by now, those are my quotes at that age. 😉 )
Anyways, the following points are from my perspective and what I think ultimately counts to decide whether he is “The One” or not.
Of course, everyone has different views on what to consider and you can help me add some if you think it’s important. J
- Attraction. Of course, it has to be considered. I have to be attracted to you to decide whether I want to take the next step or not. I know, I know. You are gonna say, “but it’s what on the inside that counts.” Well OK, but when we go to a gathering with a lot of people, I want to be proud enough to call him my hubby. Simple as that.
- Chemistry. I don’t know how this works, but it does. You know when you look into someone’s eyes and you see that spark? And every time you’re around them, your stomach does a funny tingly thing, which some would like to call, “butterflies in the stomach”? And when their hand touches yours, there’s this electric shock thing? And when you hear a certain love song, you immediately think of them? And when you’re bored sitting at home, they’re all you think about? And when you’re at a party or club and they’re not there, you wonder what they are doing at that moment? OK, I’m getting carried away… moving on…
- Communication. A friend thinks it’s the most important one; and I agree. If there is no communication between the couple, there is no way that relationship is going to work out. Say what you feel. Hear him out.
- Understanding. This goes hand in hand with communication. Some people are brought up completely different than others. You have to be able to know where this person is coming from when they say something.
- Argument. I think arguing is healthy. It’s part of communication. You can’t possible agree upon everything. That would just be boring. Think two positive ends of a magnet.
- Common things. If you don’t agree on anything, that could be bad too. Think two negative ends of a magnet. 😉 When you have some things in common, you won’t be bored. Say you both like to watch movies in the theatre; you can do that weekly.
- Work/Education. He must be educated. I’m sorry, but I’m educated. He has to be either Equal or better than me. So as my parents and their parents used to say before, it’s better if he is a little above me. (Women- don’t take this as degrading.) I want to be independent but I don’t want him to feel as though I don’t need him. Men, naturally have to need to provide to the woman. If we’re more educated or have more money than them, or if we rub that in their face, it wouldn’t be good for their egos. Sometimes, taking the backseat isn’t that bad.
- Compromise. Obviously, you can’t have EVERYTHING you want. You have to make some kind of sacrifice to be with the person that you want. You can’t have the cake and eat it too. (lol is that how you say that? I never used it in a sentence before.) Example: if he is used to going to his mother’s house for every holiday, he will sacrifice a few, I’ll sacrifice a few, and go to both houses.
- Learning. I learn something everyday. I don’t stick to one side of things and only believe and trust that; I love exploring other options. If you can learn something from this person, if he is willing to teach you, why can’t he be the one.
Note: All of these points go together, usually. You can’t just be attracted to someone who doesn’t communicate well. You can’t keep compromising with a person who won’t understand you.
**Ethnicity. I hate to say this, but I’ve come to understand it. And it is from my point. Ethnicity means a lot to me. Religion says that as long as he is a muslim that it’s fine. I say he has to be Harari too. I’ve learned from experience. Call me zeregna (someone who loves only their kind). But I’m not trying to be. I admit if you see me with another Harari person, I don’t use Amharic or English; Harari just rolls out the tongue first. (Online chatting doesn’t apply here.) I knew this guy in college, just as another Ethiopian dude. I had no idea he was Harari. One day he heard me talking on the phone in my language and asked if I was Harari. Ever since then, we’ve never spoken in another language. So when I marry a man, I want him to be able to come to my house whenever he wants and chill and talk with my parents. I assure you, mom isn’t that great with Amharic, none with English. (This might be relevant only to me.)
I want to love looking at him, talk to him, tell him about my day without being judged, read my blog posts to him, celebrate when my blog views get to 10,000 (lol), cuddle up, read books, watch movies, act a fool, dance to no music, show all kinds of PDA, and say, “Hi friend, this is (insert name here), My husband.”
If we can do all that, then he is “The One.”